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What to Do if You Are Thinking About Getting a Divorce

Getting married is an act of faith, trust and love.  Getting a divorce is what may have to happen when those things no longer exist or have been betrayed.

If your marriage is in difficulty, you may choose to try to save it by going to couples’ therapy or marriage guidance therapy.  You may choose to ignore the problems and carry on as before, ignoring the fact that you are not happy.  At any point, you may choose to formally end the marriage by getting a divorce.

If you have tried ignoring the problem, or have tried tackling the problem and still feel that your marriage has died, you should turn your efforts to getting a divorce.   It can feel as though going to see a solicitor about a divorce is a big step to take, and it is – but actually, if you have made the decision to do so, your marriage is already dead and the divorce is just a way of burying it.

There are some practical things that you can do if you think that you might need or want a divorce.  The first is to book an appointment with a reputable, specialist solicitor who can give you some initial divorce advice.  Seeking the legal advice of a divorce lawyer, is no different than if you were pursuing accident at work claims after being injured in the office. Divorce advice is something many people throughout the UK seek when their marriage becomes turbulent or in trouble.

Most solicitors will give you a free half hour of initial advice.  They will tell you, for example, that you can apply for a divorce if your marriage has irretrievably broken down – that is the only reason for getting a divorce.  There are five ways to show that it has broken down and these are:

• That you have been deserted;
• That you have been living apart for five years and both you and your spouse agree to a divorce;
• That you have been living apart for at least two years, even if your spouse does not agree to a divorce;
• That your spouse has committed adultery (that is, they have had sexual intercourse with a member of the opposite sex – if your spouse denies this, it can be very hard to prove, and you may want to use number 5 below instead);
• That your spouse has behaved in such a way that you cannot reasonably be expected to stay married to them.

Your solicitor will also tell you whether you could get any legal aid to pay for the divorce, or how much you could expect to pay.  They will take basic information about your finances and those of your spouse and give you some initial advice about what might happen to the family home and any savings and pensions etc.  Your solicitor can also give some advice about what could happen about where the children should live and what contact they should have with both parents.
This initial divorce advice will hopefully answer a lot of your questions and also help you to decide whether you trust and like that solicitor enough to ask them to represent you in your divorce. 
Other practical steps you can take (either before or after your initial appointment) include:

• Getting a valuation of your house(s).  Most estate agents will give free valuations if you indicate that you are putting the house on the market, but those valuations might be inflated in the hope that you will choose that estate agent to advertise your house for sale.  Alternatively you can pay a small fee to an estate agent for a valuation for the purpose of a divorce, which will be much closer to the actual market value.
• Asking your mortgage lender whether they would release you (or your spouse) from the mortgage.  That will help you to find out whether it is realistic for the family home to be transferred to you or your partner, or whether other arrangements might have to be put in place.
• Asking the benefits agency or HM Inland Revenue what benefits or tax credits you would be entitled to if you and your spouse separated – that will help you to know how much income you would have on your own.
• Asking the Child Support Agency for a rough idea of how much maintenance you would expect to receive or pay depending on where the children will live.

Your solicitor can give you some other ideas of what to do, and they can also advise about what to do if your spouse will not leave the house. 
Ask around for recommendations for a good solicitor specialising in divorce advice, or choose a firm with a good reputation for giving sensible, solid legal advice.  After all, knowledge is power and taking away much of the uncertainty about your immediate future can take a real weight off your shoulders. Whether you are looking at finding a solicitor who deals in brain injury compensation or divorce law, make sure you do your research beforehand and choose the right legal advisor  for you.